“When you judge people, you do not define them, you define yourself.” Wayne Dyer
There are some people in my life and every time I speak to them, I have to be so careful while I choose my words or even the tone. And every conversation with them leaves me feeling a trifle undermined. I was made to think I am wrong and that I needed to correct my ways. There were days when I used to be upset thinking about my inefficiencies and failures. Comparing myself with them and my life with theirs, I had started devaluating myself. ‘What is it about them that causes me to feel so?’ with the question to myself, I came up with a convincing response. Here, I share my views about why people judge.
Many of us are unaware that people around judge us and we too, for that matter are with our judging mode on, 24×7. A simple illustration could be a weird stare of people we have encountered while navigating through the world around us, be it at a store or at a workplace or even at home. And that strange stare literally shifts us off our comfort zone. We try to shrug off though, it takes quite some time for us to come to our normal self. Most of the times we ignore and get on, unaware about the reasons for the stare.
A simple understanding of the reasons and the consequences can help us to come to terms with judgemental modes of people.
1. It is a basic human instinct – The very first impression reveals a lot about a person. The moment we meet a person, our mind forms an opinion about them. Through their actions, their words or even their body language.
2. The insecure feeling – Each one of us have our own weaknesses. Our mind invariably is in the comparison mode and when we see our weakness as a strength in others, we envy them. Envying is again, a human tendency. It can even be based on one’s own fears, they tend to judge people and their actions.
3. Self-centred – I am the best is what each one of us thinks. But we often fail to understand that each one’s life is so different from the others and it is they who are the best judge of their lives, considering the situations they are in. Along with which, also comes the people who they are surrounded with.
4. The way of life – For some, it could be just their way of life, a mere time pass. Ignorant, I’d call these people. Unaware of what they really mean and what it can cause to them is just beyond their imagination. Or maybe, they use it as a tool to invalidate you. Some do it out of habit too.
5. The limited vision – Not all are exposed to the opportunities and exposures. It is their limited knowledge and vision that speaks. Right or wrong, good or bad; categorizing broadly is all that they know And they simply fail to define the boundaries of good or bad or right or wrong.
But, the only person who can know the absolute truth about you is you. Instead of letting another person validate you, you validate yourself. It’s your opinion that matters to you, not others’.
Not all judgments are bad or harmful. They can also be your eye opener.