An adoption is a life-changing event not only for the children but also for the adopting parents. It is a complex process where the child has to undergo a complete change in his surroundings. It is very much natural that he will take the time to adjust with the new family. More often than not, they also suffer from a feeling of abandonment and separation.  They might take some time to be comfortable with their new family. Expectations, in general, are a part of parenthood.  While not behaving any different with adopted children is very important, there is also a fine line. Amongst other Do’s and Don’ts of adoption, there are certain things never to expect from adopted children.

Let’s talk about those, ‘never to expect from adopted children’:

  1. Gratitude
    So you are adopting a child and bringing him into your family. It’s a great thing that you are providing a loving and caring environment for the kid. More importantly, providing the love of parents and a family that they are probably craving. But also remember, the child is also bringing a bundle of joy and happiness into your lives. The worst you can do to your adopted child is to expect them to be grateful that you adopted them. They are combating issues of their own. They often go through an identity crisis or feeling of separation from their birth parents. It is quite likely that they will grieve and in all probabilities rebel once in a while too. They are not at all ungrateful for doing so.  You have to understand they are in all probabilities just going through emotional mayhem. Your mindset as an adopting parent is crucial in shaping their emotions and development. If you expect them to be grateful to you for providing a ‘better life’, you could not be more wrong.
  2. Attachment
    Expectations regarding a child’s attachment to both or either parent are not only unnecessary but also uncalled for. Even in the case of biological parents, it is absolutely normal for their child to be more attached to one parent than the other. The same applies to adopted children. It is not uncommon for an adopted child to feel more attached to one parent till they adjust. And feel comfortable in their new home and family. Sometimes adopted children cannot attach to either parent at all. You should not lose hope or more importantly patience in such cases. An adopted kid even as a toddler has some memories about his or her biological parent that they can relate to – their voice, smell, or anything in similar lines. Change of environment, from one to another often causes an emotional disturbance. They tend to feel insecure owing to abandonment issues. The best you can do is shower them with all the love and care they deserve till they feel comfortable.
  3. Ignorance about biological parents
    There will come a time when they will tend to be overly inquisitive about their biological parents. It is not only normal but also most likely bound to happen. Expecting them to act ignorant about it just because you have raised them up is not okay. Be with them. Support them. They will see your love and confidence with them which will strengthen your parent-child bonding.

Always approach the post-adoption support centres if you find yourself in a difficult situation. Understanding the fact that adopted children need extra care because of their health issues, your parenting journey can be happy.

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