It’s been more than a year since I posted last. It is not that I did not have any ideas. Instead every instance I came across, I had so much to write. But couldn’t pen down. Why? I asked myself. I come up with an obvious answer ‘no motivation.’ Or did I lose interest in writing? The answer was yes though, I could not accept. I had to come back to my writing world somehow.
Why and how did I lose my interest in writing? The question kept lurking me time and again. It was purely because of the conflict of interests, with forces pulling me in different directions along with my changing priorities. In a way it started disturbing me and the more I pushed myself to writing, there seemed in me a kind of resistance. Force is something which nobody likes, be it from self too. And with other happenings in life I could easily keep myself away from writing.
But lately one leisurely evening during my self-talk session, I realized I was letting go a part of my self. The thirst of writing that once was my small world where I could be myself without being judged had long gone into hiatus. Did it elude me for life time? I couldn’t agree to it now. I couldn’t settle down with the emotions that I would not be writing again. So, I had to start somewhere with something, may be something very small. And this is the outcome.
Now, as I come back to my world, and compose this piece, I wonder what made me give such a long pause to my writing? It was because of my constant changing interests. Also, because I was expecting too much of myself.
I just couldn’t be satisfied with whatever I wrote. I was expecting something more. And this expectation lead to stress. I just couldn’t find it logical and hence I kept myself out of it. When there were other priorities to be taken care of there seemed no point being stressed for something that did not matter much practically. The more I analysed, my emotions started getting paralyzed. I felt life much easier without writing. And days just passed on. A year rolled on too.
As rightly said life evolves. With this long gap, came a size-able shift in my way of perspective – to be average is perfectly fine. When we limit out thoughts our actions too limit. Instead, we can always push our limits of thoughts by making it simple which can subtle our expectations of ourselves. It is then things turn out to be easy and we surrender ourselves. This is what happened with me. It is better to start with something less than keeping ourselves away from it. After all life is limited and too very short. So why waste time in analysing too much and making it complex?
Now having taken a plunge, I am sure my future blogs will flex my writing cortex and take a better shape.
In my next blog I will be writing about the constant changing interests. Stay tuned.